As much as I’d like to think that pregnancy hasn’t changed me, my first trimester done messed my world UP. Aside from the constant weirdness physically —”I’m hot! My boobs hurt! I’m cold! Hug me! I’m gonna throw up! My head hurts! GOD, I’m so tired! Don’t touch me! Why is it so HOT in here? You’re ignoring me! I’m starving! OH GOD, I’M GONNA HURL!” — there are some other definite changes goin’ on in the Mess household.
Before: Jesus, Jethro; X-Factor again? God, I hate this show, all they do is bitch at each other.
*half an hour later* Thank God that’s done. Is NCIS on?
After: BWAHHHHH!! Why did they kick Rachel off?!? SHE’S JUST A BABY! Look at her, she’s sooo SAAAAADDDD! *SOB* WHHHHYYYY??
*half an hour later*
*SOB* WHHHHYYYY??
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Before: Gee, I’m hungry.
After: I swear on all that is holy, if you do not decide where we are going to eat RIGHT THIS SECOND, I will stab you and leave you dead in a ditch.
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Before: *sniff* Ew. Dog, did you just fart?
After: *sniff* DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN! Release the beasts the occupy thy bottom, fair canine! Such a smell can only be devil’s work! BEGONE, DEMON!!!!!
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Before: Aww, that Freebirds worker is so sweet, flirting with me when I’ve got no makeup on and I’m all raggedy. You earned your tip, you charmer.
After: CHOP, CHOP HIPSTER! Less talkey, more burrito MAKEY. If I do not get steak and rice goodness in my hand POST HASTE, I will rip that goddamn plug out of your ear and shove it up your ass.
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Before: Ooo, I’m nauseous and vaguely vomity. I should not have drank so much last night.
After: Ooo, I’m nauseous and vaguely vomity. It must be a day that ends in “-y”.
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Before: Ooo. A Popsicle. What a cool and delicious treat.
After: Eat my last Popsicle and I WILL END YOU.
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Before: Hmm. Jamba Juice? Only if there’s booze in it! Ha ha ha!
After: *driving* La la la…Wait. Was that a JAMBA JUICE?!? *screeching tires, breaking glass, yowling cats sound as I u-turn* Orange Carrot Karma, I need you inside me!!!!
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Before: Oh, it’s only 9:30 pm. Let’s start the movie!
After: *SNORE*
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Before: Oh, it’s only 5:30 pm. Let’s run to the mall!
After: *SNORE*
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Before: Oh, it’s only 12:30 pm on a Saturday. Let’s take a drive somewhere!
After: *SNORE*
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Yup. Pregnancy – 1, Alyssa – big fat stinkin’ zero.
This kid better cure cancer, otherwise we will be in a fight.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
